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Milo's Emporium of Brooklyn is proud to present...


...the latest in cool product chic..



Now, I know a lotta you people have seen a lot of crap out there.

But our crap really is different - in both quality, price and performance, our crap is unlike any other crap on the market.

Now, I have seen cheaper crap, and crap that's way too expensive. And I've also seen some crap that was worse and some crap that was very slightly better (only slightly, almost unnoticeable).

BUT, I have never seen (and I defy any competitor to find) any crap that has the same blend of quality and value that our crap has...

I'm not personally gonna claim that this crap is the best in the world; I'm just saying it's crap you aughta' consider. You know, like that car advert, you know, "please consider.."

That's all I'm saying: Please consider this crap.

Anyway, check out the testimonials - which are completely unbiased, uncoerced and uncoached in any way, and which were read out to me without any prior agreement to remuneration between myself and the applicable party and/or parties, as may be applicable, or not...

There's also some other stuff to peruse; see those links, on the left there? Yeah, those: there's some technical data on the performance and features and so on... That's worth a read... And I got some weirdo 'concept' guy to help with the branding and stuff; I let him rant on a bit... Actually, I nearly just called him a 'fag#ot,' but I won't call him that. Not that I got anything against fag#ots: my cousin Jeff, he's one, and he's a great guy. He is. And he's a full-fa, I mean, he's totally open about it, you know? Very... how do you say, 'adjusted;' he's very well adjusted about that whole thing. Great guy... Not that I'm queer for him or anything. Jesus, no! I got no affiliations either way. So anyway, I got this concept guy in, who, in another era I would have called a, you know, but I won't now. Anyway, I got him in to do all this fag#ot type stuff - like this stuff around the edges here... see what I mean? It's a concept. I got a webmaster too. You shoulda heard'em: fighting like a couple of cats: 'Organic Planes' and stuff. I can't stand that stuff; like I said: I got nothing against people who happen to be f#gs - But - f#ggot 'concept' type stuff.... You know? That's what I can't stand - fagging around with 'concepts.'

My wife said I had to get somebody in "with some taste" (like I don't have taste.. Bitch.) Anyway, I got this freak called Rupert to do all this shit. Rupert, for Christ's sakes. I swear they deliberately do that - to screw your mind up - they choose a name like 'Rupert,' you know? Nobody is called Rupert, for Christ's sakes... unless his parents knew he was gonna make a living outta driving people nuts... Anyway, he's got a degree, so there was nothing I could do. So, Rupert did the concepts and the branding stuff and some other freak, from a commune, did the website design - those little link pictures and stuff... And you see those links down at the bottom? They change color when you click on'em. Now, I think that's clever. He said I should do the main text myself, on account of then people would see the true face of my whole enterprize. He's very polite, for a commune freak. So anyway, that's why I'm talking to you now; I typed it myself and everything.

Don't forget to check out the free crap. That's like a bonus marketing thing - to get people to visit, you know? ..It's not great, I mean, it's not proper crap, but it is free - from me to you.

And then, if you really care about what's important in life - if you care as much as I do about values and stuff - then I humbly think you should buy my crap.

You deserve it. You really do.

Best wishes,


Milo's Emporium of Brooklyn,

"Purveyors of the highest quality, at the lowest prices, since 1978"



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