Charlene, Santa Monica...

"I was kinda skeptical - there's just so much junk on the net these days, and even when the package arrived it was like, okay, another pack of crap.. You know? But then, when I opened it.. It was like a burst of sunlight right out the box... ..I was kinda scared at first, but then, when I held it to the light, then I knew why I was born, and then everything made sense and I was spiritually complete.. Thank you crap, and thank you Milo!"

Bill, Sydney, Australia...

"That flying disc's a bloody beaut mate; I took five to the match last weekend, and managed to nobble four of those pommie bastards. Fooour of 'em! I could never have reached 'em with just stubbies"

"Listen, you little shit: we still own your silly, oversized country, and as soon as I've dealt with this ridiculous parliament fad, I'll be dealing with you too...!"

The Queen (of England)

Phil, London, England...

"Fuking brilliant mate! I used one-a-them stickers on the exhaust; M.O.T. tossers never even noticed. Cheers!"

Susan Sarandon (not really)...

"Dear Milo, I want to thank you. You've convinced me that America is done for. I and my family are moving to France. Republican Party, you win."

Berrnaard, somewhere peaceful...

"This thing's saved me a God-damn fortune; I used to collect these God-damn things by the 'tainer load. But that's all over now, thanks to you, Milo - Now, I finally realized what I been'a lookin for."

General Alexi Ptrovski (retired)...

" I told him, overe and overe - for years - I told him: We have to push the button, now, before it is too late. But: he didn't leesten. Yeltsin... And now it is too late and these capitalists are everywhere, just as I warned would happen, with the rock and the roll and the rap. But the 'Crap' was our idea. But: he wouldn't leesten, and now the Americans have this too. It is terrible. The Russian people: we are doomed to sadness."

Alf, Dublin, Ireland

"Those stickers are fockin brilliant! We used some far'a job yasterday and they're absalutely parfect - just th'ting to shut the bastards up. T'anks Milo, we'll lift a Guiness for ya t'night"

Didn't catch his name, Louisiana

"Uh, do you do an inlarger? I reckon you people could make a great 'crap brand' inlarger. That's just a suggestion. But I'm real happy with what i got so far. I mean the mug."

And lastly, but not leastly, our most prestigious client (so far)..

"Now, I told my wife, I told everyone: I said we'll find em. And we will; and this shirt is the proof of that, right here. And they'll be more...

Now, I don't know how long it's gonna take... could take years. If it takes years, fine; I'll be here; I won't give up.. But we'll find 'em; and this is a start.

It's gonna be a long road, but we'll get there; we're working on it. Guys like Milo; decent, ordinary, hard working Americans, with green-cards, or even their own passports, like Milo; he knows what's important; he doesn't need some fancy speech read by someone who can speak like he's got three digit I.Q. but can't think for himself. Thinking - that's what counts, and action. Action - that's what we really need today, more than ever..And democracy, and environmental rules that make economic sense, and a U.N. that doesn't protect terrorists by bringing frivolous war crimes charges against the forces of freedom and democracy.

Uh. You know, people like Milo they know what's important, and I think we should all support guys like him: decent Americans, who care about what's important, who know that, without having to be told the whole ti.."

So, there it is: if you really care about what's important in life - if you care as much as I do about values and stuff - then I humbly think you should buy some of my crap.

You deserve it. You really do.

Best wishes,

Milo.

Milo's Emporium of Brooklyn,

"Purveyors of the highest quality, at the lowest prices, since 1978"