Winona Ryder - the Anti-Christ?

Somewhere in New Jersey...
(...or London, England)

"So, wha'da'ya doing?"

"A website."

"Another one?"

"Yes, I'm doing Another website."

"So, what's it about?"

"It's about killing you with that chair, if you don't leave me the f#ck alone..."

(peering at screen)""Winona Ryder - the Anti-Christ" ? You're kidding, right?"

"No. This happens to be a serious discussion of the metaphiscal distortions of religion in the post modern world, as well as a warning regarding the terrible, actual danger currently unnoticed due to media bias and societal dogma."

"How can Winona Ryder be the Anti-Christ?"


"She's a woman."


"I mean, the Anti-Christ is a guy... Like Sam Neil in that movie.."


"...Omen III, The Final Conflict - Sam Neil plays the Anti-Christ."

"Sam Neil?"

"Yeah. He was in that Hunt for Red October, with Sean Connery... They're Russians, and they're trying to defect.. And at the end, Sam Neil gets shot, and he says 'I would like to have seen Montana..'"


"Yeah. The point is, in Omen III he's a guy, right? That's becuase Sam Neil is a guy, like the Anti-Christ..."


"...The Anti-Christ is the son of satan... He's male, but Winona Ryder is female...she's a woman.."

"Oh I see; she happens to be a woman, so she can't be the Anti-Christ, is that it? Is that whatch'ya telling me??"

"Oh come on, I'm just saying that.."

"If she wants to be the Anti-Christ, then she can be the Anti-Christ, okay? I think these days if a woman wants to be the spawn of satan then that's her choice. This is the 21st century."

"Come on, she doesn't even look like the Anti-Christ."

"What?... You think Satan is gonna have his earthly incarnation look like the Anti-Christ? Seven feet high? With a black cape and some weird, foreign car? And henchmen and red-eyed dogs? -No?- He'd be the exact opposite. The exact opposite! He'd be like somebody who nobody'd suspect..""

"..Winona Ryder.."

"You think I'm joking, but the signs are all there... it's all falling into place..."

"Oh, now you're collecting clippings..."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead - you'll see.. the day of transformation is at hand, my friend...
..this year; she'll be 33..."


"33... it's the Age of Transformation."

"'The Age of Transformation'. Where'd'ya get that - The National Enquirer Guide To Spotting Anti-Christs?"

"No, I got it off a movie, but it was based on facts, on proven evidence; the guy turned 33 and he became The Beast."

"...Was it Sam Neil?"


"But it was a guy though, right? Right? That's what I'm talking about... That's two Anti-Christ movies and they were both guys."

"Look, that was a movie. Obviously it's gonna be a guy in a movie, for christ's sakes, or nobody'd believe it. But I'm talking about the real world. I'm talking about the actual lurking festering evil, that's preparing to burst forth on us, like, like a tidal wave of doom!"

"..Winona Ryder?""Yeah!"

"You could get sued for this... I mean, if you go around calling people the Anti-Christ... you could be sued for something like that..."

The Anti-Christ is not going to sue anybody. Why even bother...? Come to think of it... that'll be more proof...."

"Didn't you have another website where you said that Winona Ryder should be President?"

"That was a joke, this is serious."

"...And didn't you have one that said she's an alien sent to gather data for a possible invasion??"

"That was a joke!"

"...And did you, or did you not, send her a love note in which you compared her to the martian in the Daffy Duck cartoons?"


"Reality break! Reality break! - you're obsessed, completely obsessed.."

"I'm not obsessed!"

"Oooh yeah - you're obsessed - whacko! Like that guy, that 'Here's Johnny' guy!"



"Okay, so maybe I'm a little fixated. But that's all it is... I'm just a little.. fixated... I mean, it's not like I've got a shrine.."

"What about that site where..."

"That site is a tasteful, artistic and respectful tribute to a fine thespian, and that's all it is."




"You said 'whatever'."


"The way you said that, you said 'whatever,' but you actually meant something else. You meant to say.. what you were thinking... is that I am obsessed; you think I need extensive, in-patient, psychotherapy.. and, and medication, right? Don't you? Don't you??"

"Yeah, whatever..."

"...But I still think it's dumb make the Anti-Christ a woman."

"Well, that's because you're still living in the past, my friend, along with all the other patriarchal-power-control-neo-nazis.. Where as I am freeing my mind."

"So why not say she's God?"

"Well, okay, you know... if you're gonna start talking blasphemy then I'm just gonna have to ignore you,'kay?"


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