The Case for W.W.3.

This is not Donald Rumsfeld, late at night, depressed and drunk - dictating notes to his laptop...

Eyes Only

Memo (prelim. notes)
To: Commander-in-Chief and Joint Chiefs of Staff
Re: Threat of Global Europeanism / European Union. Recommendations for pre-emptive regime change in Europe (starting with Paris)

List of reasons to attack now:

1. They're foreign ass holes.

2. Some of them are probably Nazis, or have Nazis in their family tree - terrible.

3. The rest are Communists, or Islamists, or Islamist sympathizers, or in bed with the Arabs (especially the French - god damn rag-head lovers every one) And hippies. The point is they're all Europeanists. (emerging threat, etc.)

4. They have these stupid, wimpy little cars. They've even got their own electric cars now, and other cars that do over a 100 miles to the gallon! We need to stop that trend, before it gets out of hand and destabilizes the whole middle east, strategic national security factors, etc.

5. They don't speak English properly. Worse, they pretend they don't understand it.. when they do, like in bars. But they do. Yeah, yeah, she said she didn't understand a word, and then she had to go cuz her pet rat was sick..
But they understand every God Damn word! They're just pretending. Meanwhile, they're downloading American m.p.3s like it's free money. Well, I checked up, and you don't get a lyric sheet translation with a stolen m.p.3. See? See, what I mean? And let's not forget who they're not stealing from - not their own stupid recording industry, since they don't have any, since we put em all out of business, ha! (Check that.) Mostly they're stealing from us - the U.S.A, the R.I.A.A. That's the point: the R.I.A.A. is American; it's the Recording Insti... I forgot all the letters, but I do know what one of those As stands for: America! Freedom! Independence! Democracy, God-damitt!

6. They're plotting against NATO. They're setting up an 'independent military command cell' that will in 'no way compete with the authority of NATO'. Yeah, right. NATO - was our idea and now they're trying to muscle in. Why are we allowing that???
It's those God Damn Krauts again; they're still pissed about getting whipped last time, and that thing in Band of Brothers (get B of B box set.) I warned everyone... But no one listened. No one ever listens to me... And now we're seeing the far reaching consequences of everything I previously characterized...

And now they're starting this stupid multi-state European Constitution thing. Why are we allowing that? We've got a constitution; it was our idea. This whole thing is obviously a ploy to cover their expansionist, europeanist intentions. Goddamitt! It's like Nazi Germany, all over again! (get history book re Nazi Germany - Nazi quotes, pictures of goose-stepping, whips, etc).

7. Bananas! Franchised American Branded bananas are the best in the world! The best! And I've personally seen the spread sheet that proves that.. And another one that proves that it's more profitable for Europe to get bananas from us than from their own stupid growers. Make no mistake: Europeanized bananas have got to be stopped.

8. Banning our beef, on account of its 'potentially dangerous' Hormone additives??? Protectionism! It's clear as black and white; this is just another white wash of their ulterior, expansionist / protectionist, euroist agenda. How can a hormone be 'bad' for Christ's sakes? Hormones are good for you! Everyone knows that; if you didn't have hormones, you'd die! (confirm with doc.) Further more: extra hormones build muscle and make you stronger - that's a scientific fact. (check with Arnie). But these French ass holes bleat on about health like they invented it.. Take the average French woman - she weighs 15-20 pounds less than a normal American broad - that's not healthy, it's stunted. And these french bitches aren't that attractive anyway, not like in the movies or the airline brochures. And they've got a real attitude problem. They do. Italians are almost as bad; like they're 'perfect'. No wonder decent Americans can't get into all those stupid, over-priced italian clothes; they're only good for teenagers, or stunted Euro bitches. (apply tariffs?) And yet these arrogant frogs talk about 'un-assessed dangers to health' like they're experts on it, like they know what normal breast tissue should be like. Protectionism, pure and simple! We've gotta level that playing field!

9. Airbus. Europe makes stupid planes. I don't have the exact data, but I do know they're stupid. (check with that guy at Boeing.) They're foreign and, they're stealing jobs from decent Americans and... how do we know that these Airbuses are safe anyway? Aside from all the paper work, how do we know? Most Europeans can't even spell.

10. They've got terrible manners too. Rude. And they are morally perverted. Example: when I was an exchange student, I spent time in Paris and some place in Italy.. and let me tell you I was very polite, in a conservative but approachable way, and i was obviously American: wealthy but not flaunting it, in a casual, but ready for action kinda way. You know, just hangin... as they say.. (check that.) Well, let's just say the spirit of 'free love' never exactly found a free market in snailville, or spaghetti plaza... No. All that bonamie stuff - it's just propaganda, to lure tourists; it's a cynical exploitation of the innocent hopes and of tourists and exchange students (expand characterization). And that's not a snap judgment from a few weeks; I was there three years; three years: I didn't get laid once.

11. Last and best reason to attack Europe without delay: Europeans do not believe in God, at least not in a decent way. Example: On a recent visit, I noticed that many of their churches don't even look like churches. I saw one that didn't even have a steeple! Can anybody tell me how you can have a church with no steeple? A church must have a steeple - standing proud, and erect, high above the depravity of everyday life. It's a symbol. Of decency. Values, traditional respect for heritage, etc. We can't allow steeple-less churches!

Europe is full of existentialists, atheists and Muslimists. There's hardly a decent, hard working, white, heterosexual Christian in the whole place. They're barbarians and potential aggressors. Europeanists are a clear and future danger, and it's time we sorted them out; we must not make the same mistake we made with Sadam or Hitler. Let's be first for once!

© copyright cb salter